August 31, 2006
I stepped on lizard trap. Now I can't get it off my feet. Very good.
School was really sleepy and I got really upset in between. I don't wanna go school on Saturday. =(
Went to Comex and fell in love with this nice camera there. Bought a keyboard. Using it now with a little bit of difficulty though. I hope my mum would buy the camera.
While lunching, we met really stuck up people.
ANGEZZZZZZ. I wanna work in the tax department. ><~
-nIx- @ [[10:24 PM]]
I stepped on lizard trap. Now I can't get it off my feet. Very good.
School was really sleepy and I got really upset in between. I don't wanna go school on Saturday. =(
Went to Comex and fell in love with this nice camera there. Bought a keyboard. Using it now with a little bit of difficulty though. I hope my mum would buy the camera.
While lunching, we met really stuck up people.
ANGEZZZZZZ. I wanna work in the tax department. ><~
-nIx- @ [[10:24 PM]]
August 30, 2006
I guess I've been so deprived of cartoons for a really long time. CARTOON NETWORK. THANKS LIN AND JUN.
I remembered the time when instead of studying I lazed on the bed switching between Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon, Hasbrow, Playhouse Disney and Disney channels(Whatever all the spellings). I got to watch everything I never did for many years. And then later on at night wondering why people were crazy enough to play Soccer with long sleeves. And everything was just perfect. Hello motivator. Where are you now? Hrmms. Memories.And I wish you all the best in your mock exams tomorrow(today).
-nIx- @ [[11:40 PM]]
I guess I've been so deprived of cartoons for a really long time. CARTOON NETWORK. THANKS LIN AND JUN.
I remembered the time when instead of studying I lazed on the bed switching between Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon, Hasbrow, Playhouse Disney and Disney channels(Whatever all the spellings). I got to watch everything I never did for many years. And then later on at night wondering why people were crazy enough to play Soccer with long sleeves. And everything was just perfect. Hello motivator. Where are you now? Hrmms. Memories.And I wish you all the best in your mock exams tomorrow(today).
; just so yesterday.
; wind back time please.
; wind back time please.
-nIx- @ [[11:40 PM]]
`wrongwrong?
I murmur shit sometimes so if you don't understand, that's your problem, not mine. (:
Kept snacking in class, then lunch at break. Was raining after class really badly. Managed to survive our terror trail to the MRT.
Dinnered with Lin and Ange. Then home.
TADAH.
-nIx- @ [[10:09 PM]]
So when everything doesn't go your way just cry it out loud.
Sometimes I just refuse to admit the fact, then seeing is believing. Till I finally know where I stand. But after a while it's not enough again. Everything and everyone just makes me more confused than I already am. Now I want to hear it directly. Slap me. Wake me up.
I think I'm too tired to think straight.
-nIx- @ [[12:29 AM]]
August 29, 2006
I missed 2hours of class today. At least it's only 2hours. Planned to meet at 11am then study then go to school at 2pm. Only to realise that class started at 9am(And I woke up at 9.30am anyway). Now I have to go back to school on Sunday. Which means only 2 weeks with Friday off.
Today during lunch my colleague wanted me to go down for work for 2hours. I don't know why. Then in the end I didn't need to.
Stayed after class to transfer class. Then down to Orchard to window shop(I don't know why the shops close so early. Boo.) Marina Bay-ed home.
-nIx- @ [[11:44 PM]]
I missed 2hours of class today. At least it's only 2hours. Planned to meet at 11am then study then go to school at 2pm. Only to realise that class started at 9am(And I woke up at 9.30am anyway). Now I have to go back to school on Sunday. Which means only 2 weeks with Friday off.
Today during lunch my colleague wanted me to go down for work for 2hours. I don't know why. Then in the end I didn't need to.
Stayed after class to transfer class. Then down to Orchard to window shop(I don't know why the shops close so early. Boo.) Marina Bay-ed home.
-nIx- @ [[11:44 PM]]
Like hell, there goes another chance. And I shall NOT do home study and watch my grades plummet into the depts of the ocean like shit. B is the lowest I wanna go.
Quick! Find me back my motivation. I've got so many more competitors to compete with. ACCA's paper 1 graduates who study half a year faster than me and have half a year's worth of motivation more than me.
Very soon I'd have to stick to a daily regime of sleeping early and waking early.
Very good. So much for motivation. Happy New Year nix.
Time to leave for school.
-nIx- @ [[9:48 AM]]
August 28, 2006
I hate school I hate school I hate school. Fullstop?
Friends, friends ; Oh tell me what are they for? I feel so bad to those who always help me and yet I abuse that priviledge in return. Very good, nix. Call yourself a friend. What kinda friend are you? Who are they to you? Punching bags for venting on, plastic bags for crying to, animals to do your bidding, humans like everyone else or friend who are almost always there? Tell me, tell me. Why do you always think you're always right and others are wrong? Why does it all have to turn out this way?
So won't you bring back time and I'd make sure everything's alright.
Hello angez. My well wishes to you. ((:
School has been crazy. Mon to Thurs, Sat to Thurs, Sat, Mon to Thurs again. Last week 6days, this week 5days. Just add in a Friday and I'd be having school for 13days straight. If it's not school, it's work. How lifeless. How lifeless. How lifeless. I NEED TO START STUDYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. I'm just too bloody distracted. I don't even have the motivation or mood to in the first place.
-nIx- @ [[10:44 PM]]
I hate school I hate school I hate school. Fullstop?
Friends, friends ; Oh tell me what are they for? I feel so bad to those who always help me and yet I abuse that priviledge in return. Very good, nix. Call yourself a friend. What kinda friend are you? Who are they to you? Punching bags for venting on, plastic bags for crying to, animals to do your bidding, humans like everyone else or friend who are almost always there? Tell me, tell me. Why do you always think you're always right and others are wrong? Why does it all have to turn out this way?
So won't you bring back time and I'd make sure everything's alright.
Hello angez. My well wishes to you. ((:
School has been crazy. Mon to Thurs, Sat to Thurs, Sat, Mon to Thurs again. Last week 6days, this week 5days. Just add in a Friday and I'd be having school for 13days straight. If it's not school, it's work. How lifeless. How lifeless. How lifeless. I NEED TO START STUDYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. I'm just too bloody distracted. I don't even have the motivation or mood to in the first place.
And how everything indirectly reminds me of what used to be.
-nIx- @ [[10:44 PM]]
`Pretty useless.
Got off the bus at 8.44pm with $11.11 left in my card. My affinity with fortyfours and birthdays.
Was listening to music on the MRT then I read Jy's sms and I almost cried on the train. Got off my station and started walking around and talked on the phone for quite some time complaining how much I didn't want to go to school.
I did in the end, but the one and only person I talked to was the teacher, at the end of the class. So it was practically 3.5hours of solitary time. I will die.
Met up with my mum after class and we had dinner(really horrible food) and then we went to Cold Storage and I had a bit of retail therapy there. So much I just felt like slacking there for the rest of the night with the trolley, or just leave it there and walk off, because there was just so much things to carry home. But I did, including a pint of ice cream from New Zealand Natural.
; and I don't wanna think right now.
-nIx- @ [[9:11 PM]]
I don't want to go to school. =( Stop the clockkkkkkk!
Took me almost forever just to make my mind to climb out of this deep shithole and I'm barely halfway out but here I am again ; fallen back into the pits of the same hole.
I feel so damn loserish yet I can't give up because the moment I do everything will be worse than it already is. My results, my life, my everything. Then I'd most probably wind up in IMH too. I wish I could fall into deep slumber and die in my sleep while having a great dream. Foolish thoughts.
Where's my email? I'm waiting for the reply so I can get out here asap.
Bring back time, tell me everything's alight and I'd make it all perfect for you and me.
Part of me laughs,
Part of me cries,
Part of me wants to question, why?
Why is there joy,
Why is there pain,
Why is there sunshine and the rain?
Part of me cries,
Part of me wants to question, why?
Why is there joy,
Why is there pain,
Why is there sunshine and the rain?
-nIx- @ [[12:19 PM]]
And if life just wants me to be sad about everything and cry every night then I've already lost the battle. So tell me what is there to fight for?
On another note, thanks lic and des for the MOS treat. Thanks for piglet. Sorry to everyone for making them angry today.
Sigh sigh sigh.
I wish time would just freeze and not move anymore. Not that I'm enjoying myself at all now. I just don't want tomorrow to come. I hate being alone. I don't want to be alone ; especially after 1year of school with people around every single time. I like company. I want company. I need company. Or else why would I want to take up work apart from wanting extra money?
I wish I could just give up and walk away and leave others to clean my footsteps. Where I've been and what I've done. Irresponsible but I just don't like it either.
I try to tire myself with everything possible. Sleep late, wake up early, whatever else. And yet, at the end of the day everything just floods back. Very good.
I just so wish it was last time where I could just run to people for help whenever I feel down and walk away feeling the load taken off my shoulders even if it wasn't exactly solved. I just miss everything of it. And I mean everything.
Who am I to run to now?
-nIx- @ [[12:11 AM]]
August 26, 2006
I guess what my teacher said just now is also right.
Before the results you find the exam very tough and worry alot. After you get the results and you've passed, you start telling others it's easy.
Though that one I don't really agree, this one I agree.
Sometimes you write so much expecting to get very high marks but when you come out you just passed ; while at other times you write very little/didn't complete all the questions and end up with rather high marks.
Why? Because whatever you wrote, even though it's little, is what the examiner's looking for. And if you overwrite, you waste plenty of time.
On another note, guys are so weird. They always want to go offline only after I go. HAHAHA. Nooo. One day I will win. Not today. I'm so tired. Goodnight~
Ps. Did I mention that someone... -.- Dropped my phone and cracked my cover. Hurray. 2nd cover gone. =(~ I don't think I'm going to buy anymore though I can't stand scratches. I'm just too broke now.
-nIx- @ [[11:44 PM]]
I guess what my teacher said just now is also right.
Before the results you find the exam very tough and worry alot. After you get the results and you've passed, you start telling others it's easy.
Though that one I don't really agree, this one I agree.
Sometimes you write so much expecting to get very high marks but when you come out you just passed ; while at other times you write very little/didn't complete all the questions and end up with rather high marks.
Why? Because whatever you wrote, even though it's little, is what the examiner's looking for. And if you overwrite, you waste plenty of time.
On another note, guys are so weird. They always want to go offline only after I go. HAHAHA. Nooo. One day I will win. Not today. I'm so tired. Goodnight~
Ps. Did I mention that someone... -.- Dropped my phone and cracked my cover. Hurray. 2nd cover gone. =(~ I don't think I'm going to buy anymore though I can't stand scratches. I'm just too broke now.
-nIx- @ [[11:44 PM]]
This makes me one very hungry ghost!
I'm eating(yummy) noodles now! Anything tastes good when you're hungry.
Met up in Jurong at 11am. Ate. Entered at about 12pm. Skated till 4pm. I FINALLY KNOW HOW TO TURN AND CONTINUE WAHAHAHA. Then somewhere while trying to do that I held on to the sides and slipped. Tadah. My first fall/slip/whatever since the past 2165484visits. Then we(Jy and me)skated real fast I crashed into a wall to avoid hitting into people and the 2nd time something happened and she screamed. Then we were told to stop skating. Ahahaa. Stoned for awhile then we decided to skate on our own for the next 10minutes or so before going off.
MRT-ed and 158-ed down to Singapore Swimming Club for dinner. Yummmmmmmmm. The food there is nice and rather affordable. Cabbed down to school because we were running late. "The fare won't exceed $5. The ride is 3minutes" And it ended up a 6min+ ride amounting to $5.20 + $2 peak hour = $7.20. Hurrah to our calculations.
Arrived at class only to find out we had to attempt 50 questions of true or false. Revision class. Wanted to get out and go towning. HAA. Then my headache started. Went to buy Panadol and downed two during break.
Ps. The population of guys in Geylang is like 100000:1 at night. Okay over-exaggerating, but somewhere close.
Full day at school tomorrow! Boohoo.
-nIx- @ [[11:23 PM]]
August 25, 2006
Today I think I found out something about me. Something that would soon be an obsession if I don't stop. With what, I myself know. Something horrible. Nix, do whatever you want, if it makes you happier. But don't go too deep. Just don't overdo it.
-nIx- @ [[11:44 PM]]
Today I think I found out something about me. Something that would soon be an obsession if I don't stop. With what, I myself know. Something horrible. Nix, do whatever you want, if it makes you happier. But don't go too deep. Just don't overdo it.
So tell me right from wrong.
Or perhaps there's really an ulterior motive behind everything.
Hmm.
Or perhaps there's really an ulterior motive behind everything.
Hmm.
-nIx- @ [[11:44 PM]]
Back from work. It was really boring. Played many stupid games with the others. Angez and the LCO gang came by to visit. Ty for the hairband! ORANGE!
;cookieguy
-nIx- @ [[10:15 PM]]
August 24, 2006
Okay, apart from this morning, everything else was rather into place. Went off at 2am. Couldn't sleep but I knew my dad was coming home soon so I just stoned in my room rearranging stuff. He came in soon and.. "Why are you not sleeping?". Slept after 3am. Woke up at 7+.
My first sms for the day was recieved even before my first alarm rang. My second being : "Run, the teacher is here already." By then I was already out of the MRT walking towards school. I wanted to reply "Walk. He is very boring." But was just too tired to do so.
So we had a 40minute(supposedly short break, as in 5-10minutes). And came back and copied blindly again. Didn't even bother to borrow from anyone to copy whatever we missed out.
Ice skating after school! Lut lut's friends are so sociable. No wonder ange keeps hanging out with them nowadays. Haa. The guys taught me to go forward, make half a turn and continue skating backwards. I need to practice more.
105-ed down to Orchard for dinner and we tortured each other with quizzes and such at the food court. Funnnnnn! <3
-nIx- @ [[11:19 PM]]
Okay, apart from this morning, everything else was rather into place. Went off at 2am. Couldn't sleep but I knew my dad was coming home soon so I just stoned in my room rearranging stuff. He came in soon and.. "Why are you not sleeping?". Slept after 3am. Woke up at 7+.
My first sms for the day was recieved even before my first alarm rang. My second being : "Run, the teacher is here already." By then I was already out of the MRT walking towards school. I wanted to reply "Walk. He is very boring." But was just too tired to do so.
So we had a 40minute(supposedly short break, as in 5-10minutes). And came back and copied blindly again. Didn't even bother to borrow from anyone to copy whatever we missed out.
Ice skating after school! Lut lut's friends are so sociable. No wonder ange keeps hanging out with them nowadays. Haa. The guys taught me to go forward, make half a turn and continue skating backwards. I need to practice more.
105-ed down to Orchard for dinner and we tortured each other with quizzes and such at the food court. Funnnnnn! <3
-nIx- @ [[11:19 PM]]
; CROSSROADS
Read this and I suppose you'd find many ugly truth about most of the people(including me?) on this tiny island. Now, I've lost my bearing again.
Tell me, what's my goal in life again?
I really wonder what I'm studying for. Because of the results I'm happy with? Because of my interest? Because my parents are happy with my results? Because my parents/friend are supportive of whatever I do? Because of the pay? Because I get free classes for good results? Because I want to migrate overseas? I don't know. I just think my heart is everywhere but in this course. I really don't know what I want in life. I've lost my motivation to study since then. I now still attend every class but for a different reason, my parents paid for it, I've gone so far to turn back, I can't follow up if I ever miss a lesson, I can't lose to others. I don't know how long I can go on like this.
And speaking from my heart : The expectations are just piling up. Those of others and myself. I don't think I can take it anymore. I need a break but yet I want to be somebody. I don't want to lose my social life but my results are all I have now. I really have no idea what I want in life.
I've had it my way too easily ; too many times. I'm spoilt. I can't even swallow a bit of disappointment.
Sometimes I just get so frustrated with myself, with everyone. My mind loves wondering and wandering. In just a few seconds my mood can change from normal to upset or angry or whatever. Yet it takes almost forever to try and cheer myself up. Just like today while walking to the library. I just got so angry with a certain species of human(because I think they belong to the animal kingdom instead), I almost vented my anger on everything and everyone around me. I hate that feeling. It's horrible. So many times I feel like I'm on the verge of crossing the thin line between sanity and insanity. I suck big time. Sometimes my attitude is like shit. I can get really moody and mean at times. What the hell is happening to me?
When can I learn to let go? Why do I keep holding on to yesterday?
Now all I want to do is to
I really don't know what I want now. I know I shouldn't keep wanting to runaway.I'm tired of all the crying and hopelessly relying on others for my happiness.
I know I should learn to face my problem and solve it but the problem is I don't exactly know what the problem is ; or maybe it's just everything, maybe I am the problem.
Good job nix. It's 1.40am. You have to wake up at 7.30am and you are still not asleep at this time. To top it all up, you're going Ice Skating tomorrow. You better not get tired. It might be your last chance to enjoy it till after your exams.
Hahahahahaha. I wish life was like before. Here I am about to breakdown again soon. I doubt I can sleep peacefully today.
-nIx- @ [[1:11 AM]]
August 23, 2006
Feeling : Moody
I just hate being alone. I don't know what are the days to come. Sigh sigh.
Didn't make cookies today. =( Went off early to the library to study. 3pages. I'm pro. The moment I reach I complained about being hungry. Then Jy and me went to eat. Then we came back and our friend is now hungry. Then we go to eat again. Then we go to school and talk for half an hour till the teacher comes. So 2.5hrs for 3pages is not bad right? =/
Busy.
-nIx- @ [[11:27 PM]]
Feeling : Moody
I just hate being alone. I don't know what are the days to come. Sigh sigh.
Didn't make cookies today. =( Went off early to the library to study. 3pages. I'm pro. The moment I reach I complained about being hungry. Then Jy and me went to eat. Then we came back and our friend is now hungry. Then we go to eat again. Then we go to school and talk for half an hour till the teacher comes. So 2.5hrs for 3pages is not bad right? =/
Busy.
-nIx- @ [[11:27 PM]]
;walkathousandmiles
Oh so tired. I don't feel so lazy to bake cookies. Maybe I shall just laze around with Val. Because even if I bake it'd be so late and I have morning school tomorrow and I want to ice skate after that.
Movies!
I still hate the silence.
-nIx- @ [[9:47 AM]]
August 22, 2006
It's so contradicting.
I can't stand being offline for too long, neither can I stand being online for long.
There's practically nothing online but MSN and blog and forums.
There's practically nothing offline but books and shopping and work.
They just don't seem to strike a balance anywhere.
Ice skating on Thurs. =)
And now I'm deciding between going home tomorrow or staying over at Val's and going straight to school since I end at 6pm and have to reach school at 9am.
And yet again, things don't seem anywhere close to reversing themselves to how they were last time.It's okay, I guess I'll survive.
-nIx- @ [[11:44 PM]]
I know what the silence means ;
it doesn't mean consent.
it doesn't mean consent.
It's so contradicting.
I can't stand being offline for too long, neither can I stand being online for long.
There's practically nothing online but MSN and blog and forums.
There's practically nothing offline but books and shopping and work.
They just don't seem to strike a balance anywhere.
Ice skating on Thurs. =)
And now I'm deciding between going home tomorrow or staying over at Val's and going straight to school since I end at 6pm and have to reach school at 9am.
And yet again, things don't seem anywhere close to reversing themselves to how they were last time.
I'll just treasure it while it lasts ; 2days.
thatsalliaskofyou
thatsalliaskofyou
-nIx- @ [[11:44 PM]]
I know I shouldn't try too hard.
It's just so irresistable ; Sometimes I know what I'm doing but I just can't control myself.
Cookie
;go away.
please don't go.
please don't go.
-nIx- @ [[10:59 PM]]
`cuzyouneverfailtobrightenupmymood-
Cookie day tomorrow! <3 <3
I wanna tour the world! Aussie!
(and I still don't think I'd end up working as an accountant. -.-)
When you're close to tears remember
Someday it'll all be over
One day we're gonna get so high
-nIx- @ [[8:18 PM]]
Today is sad because I went to the office and I see so many people changing classes and such while collecting my long due textbook. Sat at the last row in class and kept talking away, with packets of chocolate and snacks plentiful.
I dabao-ed laksa home. If it's $2, I know how come it tastes like that. But if I paid $3, I definately expect something better. Waste my money. Very good. =(
I don't expect you to reply.
Though I'd wish you would.
Though I'd wish you would.
-nIx- @ [[7:44 PM]]
I miss the old times where life was so carefree. Walks after school everyday, playing on the MRT, school uniforms, shopping for unnecessary stuff, stayovers, forming study groups and ending up talking the whole duration instead, sweets and more sweets, strolls by the beach, cycling/blading, ice skating, cookie making, chalets, laughter and more laughter, outings, movies, coming home satisfied most of the days and everything else which isn't now.
):
will you please turn back time ; for me?
-nIx- @ [[11:39 AM]]
They're many types of people in the world.
1)Those that regret their results and proimise to start studying for the next exam soon, or straightaway but never get the motivation to(me).
2)Those that just pass and are super happy.
3)Same as 1) but those that fail.
4)Those that don't care at all because they're so damn rich and not done with enjoying life, or maybe they were too busy partying they forgotten to go for the exams too.
5)Others
So.. Time to lose my social life again, soon. What a loser.
I havn't seen or talked to my dad for 2-3days! So much for him slogging so hard to bring me up and this daughter just comes home late, sleeps late, wakes up late. He's always sleeping by the time I get home and out of the house when I wake up. Now he's back and he has to rush to work now.
; problem after problem
I wish I could sleep forever.
I wish I could sleep forever.
-nIx- @ [[10:10 AM]]
I can't stand not talking to people I want to for a long time ; not even two days.
Results are out and bah. I have successfully completed CAT and can continue with my ACCA. But I'm rather disappointed with my T6 and T9. Oh well. No more free classes. =( What high expectations, to speak the truth, I was expecting something close to 90 for those two. I don't know la. The ones I worry turn out higher than the ones I was confident about. Blablabla. I've let people down, I've let myself down too.
Passing mark 56/100
T1 - 98%
T2 - 88%
Passing mark 50/100
T3 - 96%
T4 - 82%
Passing mark 40/100
T5 - 74%
T6 - 74%
T7 - 80%
T9 - 70%
T10 - 73%
There's just a huge gap between studying with motivation and studying without it. =( Nevertheless, thank you so much ; though you might not have known how much it meant. Even if it was just two days, who knows what a difference it made.
Arcade-d today. The basketball machine(I threw one that flew out and another ball dropped behind the machine) and a game of RF whatever that was at the Bishan arcade.
Watched Lake House and it's pretty nice, though my mind kept wandering half the duration of the show.
why?
; memories
; memories
-nIx- @ [[12:18 AM]]
August 21, 2006
The way songs affect your mood. I don't really favour noisy songs but I been attracted to them lately especially the ones from Tokyo Drift.
Cuz it's just so me to drown myself in noisy songs just to forget everything else surrounding me. For that whole moment every problem just disappears and you just submerge yourself into that imaginary world ; and for that moment, everything's just alright.
Yea I like to runaway. Reality is just too hard to swallow. I rather it swallow me and save me all the trouble.
Before I start to get more emo, byebye.
-nIx- @ [[10:44 AM]]
The way songs affect your mood. I don't really favour noisy songs but I been attracted to them lately especially the ones from Tokyo Drift.
Cuz it's just so me to drown myself in noisy songs just to forget everything else surrounding me. For that whole moment every problem just disappears and you just submerge yourself into that imaginary world ; and for that moment, everything's just alright.
Yea I like to runaway. Reality is just too hard to swallow. I rather it swallow me and save me all the trouble.
Before I start to get more emo, byebye.
And I wonder ; what's my worth being a friend?
-nIx- @ [[10:44 AM]]
;words plentiful
Exam resultsssssssssssssssss.... not out yet.
I'm gonna lose my voice tomorrow. Boohoo.
I just swapped a $50 old note. So pretty. In total I have $63 worth of old notes!
$50, $10, $2 and $1. And so I am $63 poorer too. =(
-nIx- @ [[12:41 AM]]
August 20, 2006
So my results are not out yet. Hrmssss.
I still wish I'd get it by mail though.
Durians!
Lic, elie, bob, des came by to visit today.
Thanks lic for the laksa. YUMS.
And I got the stupid MP3 back!
Played with a hamster during work. So cute!
My parents threw away the very expensive carpet. =(
Random random.
You...
-nIx- @ [[10:11 PM]]
So my results are not out yet. Hrmssss.
I still wish I'd get it by mail though.
Durians!
Lic, elie, bob, des came by to visit today.
Thanks lic for the laksa. YUMS.
And I got the stupid MP3 back!
Played with a hamster during work. So cute!
My parents threw away the very expensive carpet. =(
Random random.
You...
-nIx- @ [[10:11 PM]]
Bah. Maybe I should try not to sleep at all and end up like a zombie. Makes no or close to no difference from sleeping.
I hate bad dreams. They are horrible so someone please stop them. Thank you very much.
Off for now because I havn't prepared for work.
-nIx- @ [[8:55 AM]]
Hard to say I'm sorry.
I think too much ; I know.
Screwed. *bites nails*
-nIx- @ [[12:30 AM]]
Kickkkkk. I can't sleep. =( I'm so damn worried about the results. =(
-nIx- @ [[12:06 AM]]
August 19, 2006
And so today began with a screwed up me, ended with screwed up customers.
Exam results still not out yet, thankfully? I don't know.
Full tomorrow, so no itchy hand to check results in case it ever comes early.
I've got nothing positive to say so I shall just end here.
-nIx- @ [[11:44 PM]]
And so today began with a screwed up me, ended with screwed up customers.
Exam results still not out yet, thankfully? I don't know.
Full tomorrow, so no itchy hand to check results in case it ever comes early.
I've got nothing positive to say so I shall just end here.
-nIx- @ [[11:44 PM]]
Yesterday was shit and so the remnants of shit is shit so today I feel like shit too. The hiccup during/after effects of yesterday night are still here.
It's really not much use talking to me when I'm in this state because I say so, except for you-know-who-you-are.
I don't answer to stupid questions like "You never take the drink I make for you yesterday?" Obiviously, if the cup is there, doesn't that already mean I didn't drink it? I forgot to.
But ....! I already started screwing up by charging the first customer $6 less in which he admitted to me and saved me the night time variance. Then I took a $2.90 change for a supposedly $29 change. Good thing I checked the screen before returning it to the customer.
Thanks alot to Calvin for making my latter half of the day a little more screwed than it already is. Half forgot the matter when the store was closing.
Then I was on the comp as usual and then life decided to plunge for the depths of the ocean to drown me in sorrow. Like fuck. Yesterday the moment I stopped crying and close my eyes I start crying again. Which went on for more than 1.5hr. After that I never checked because I didn't want to electrocute myself with the charging phone.
AHhhhhhhhh. Fuck. Life is so damn screwed. I just become so frail and receptive to every single negative shit in the world ; almost overnight. A victim to my own emotions. What more can I say? I don't even think I'm gonna be in the right mood to work later on and tomorrow. Happy New Year for them.
Thanks alot lin for visiting me at work yesterday ; and for talking to this crazy fella here last night.
On a side note, I'm just as contradicting. For not liking vulgarities, yet using them. Fuck? I did it again. Congrats.
You've just made me a confused piece of shit.
It's okay, it's alright ; I hope.
It's okay, it's alright ; I hope.
-nIx- @ [[8:46 AM]]
August 18, 2006
Not like you care anymore right? I always say something wrong. What the ....
Whateverrrrrrrrrrrr.
-nIx- @ [[11:40 PM]]
Not like you care anymore right? I always say something wrong. What the ....
Whateverrrrrrrrrrrr.
Please see me through this... Please.
-nIx- @ [[11:40 PM]]
Someday you will know why the sky is blue;
So today was a mix of ups and downs.
I hate myself that's it. Goodnight.
-nIx- @ [[10:53 PM]]
Thank God for alarm clocks?
Seriously, I don't know how people can go back to sleep after having a nightmare. It's like pitch black hollow eyes glowing with some red thingy. So I woke up at 8.13am. Considered I'm the type that keeps resetting my alarm at least 2 rounds before I wake up.
I'm one tired freak. Goodbye.
-nIx- @ [[8:58 AM]]
And I wonder if you know;
Mum gave green light for me to find out about Aussie. =) Start saving, nIx.
Full day at work tomorrow(today). Need to sleep.
-nIx- @ [[12:37 AM]]
August 17, 2006
-nIx- @ [[11:38 PM]]
Here's my Bright Idea:
I'll just disappear !
I'll just fly away from here.
I'll just disappear !
I'll just fly away from here.
-nIx- @ [[11:38 PM]]
Cried myself to sleep yesterday for reasons I don't wanna mention. Thanks Lin for being awake still at that time, thankfully. Woke up with slightly puffy and dry eyes. -.-
Today during break the massage thingy opposite the road had their curtains clipped, then I saw someone unclip the curtains and walk to the right. Guess who? A lady clad in a towel.
Went to visit Peng at BPP after work. Pity him ahaha. Not only is the shop boring, the WHOLE building is boring. Except that polar bear see through bowling ball. <3 it loads. Reminds me of the coke bear. Koped lotsa stuff there, free batt, keychain including a uniform. Me the kind soul left all my sweets and snacks there for him to makan. xD
Mum is pleased I'm working. Had a rather long talk with her(considered how we never talked at all sometimes for a long long time). Mummy knows best. =) But I'm not gonna tell her why.
Sigh sigh. Okay, I touched the ATM today again. -.- No more for a week! (I still have emergency money =x). Yay. I can claim $10 for going down to buy junk food. I really don't know why I bought 2 cans of tomato paste, the most expensive among all those there. My sis likes to use it. I have no idea how to use it but I still buy it. I miss her. =(
Ps. THE LRT IS SO AMAZING.
-nIx- @ [[10:22 PM]]
August 16, 2006
Runaway runaway~
Because today is just another shitty day. Ahhhhh.
I'm at it again. Tiring myself every single day. Happy New Year. I hope history doesn't repeat itself.
-nIx- @ [[11:39 PM]]
And sometimes people unintentionally say things
which hurts others' feeling.
I know because I just know.
which hurts others' feeling.
I know because I just know.
Runaway runaway~
Because today is just another shitty day. Ahhhhh.
I'm at it again. Tiring myself every single day. Happy New Year. I hope history doesn't repeat itself.
-nIx- @ [[11:39 PM]]
I just read dashboard as deceased. Yes I must be crazy.
I just removed my nailpolish after them being coated for a day. Because it chipped off way too easily. Sigh sigh.
Why doesn't anything go my way? Why why why?
-nIx- @ [[11:13 PM]]
Singapore Idol. See what has become of the previous winners? Advertising for 7/11 etc.
Today in class we just kept laughing and laughing over our stupidity and of others too. Cher thought Ad was interested in that high maintainance girl and Jy messed things up more. So we ended up spending more time talking than listening to cher. Haha.
Non-stop eating in class again. -.- Seaweed, apple chips, chocolate! Yum.
I got people addicted to seaweed. Heh.
-nIx- @ [[8:44 PM]]
allmylifei'vebeenwaiting
foryoutobringafairytalemyway
leftbrokenemptyindespair
wannabreathecan'tfindair.
wannabreathecan'tfindair.
andiwonderifyouknowhowitfeels
tobeleftoutsidealone;whenit'scoldouthere.
tobeleftoutsidealone;whenit'scoldouthere.
Whatever.
-nIx- @ [[11:06 AM]]
): Upset! And I just feel like crying. Bah. Goodnight.I just keep having the feeling that the people I treat as good friends and those I confide in would one day disappear. Oh well. If this is what's meant to be I don't wanna know.
-nIx- @ [[1:08 AM]]
August 15, 2006
`losing streak.
Yes! I'm on the losing streak. Recently. My newly bought earring came by post just now and it's damaged. It broke. And it's glass or something I can't repair it. =(
I'm on my own. Let me settle this myself. I know it's my fault, partially. Hur
-nIx- @ [[10:59 PM]]
`losing streak.
Yes! I'm on the losing streak. Recently. My newly bought earring came by post just now and it's damaged. It broke. And it's glass or something I can't repair it. =(
I'm on my own. Let me settle this myself. I know it's my fault, partially. Hur
-nIx- @ [[10:59 PM]]
`friends;
Went through my old blog posts, actually to find the songs from the radioblog. And that midi is just so. =/ Sigh sigh.
Mum called at 5+ close to 6 and asked if I wanted dinner. Called her at 7.30pm and she's still at work, about to leave. It's now 8.30pm and where is she? -.- Hungry.
That just tells me not to rely so much on others anymore. Sigh.
-nIx- @ [[8:36 PM]]
I got the MP3 back! So fucking costly. Idiot. Now time to curse and swear since the MP3 is in safe hands.
Dedicated to the most dearest sweetest angel for finding my friend's my MP3 at the drinks machine(which is where the counter is),
Finders keepers guy
real name is)
Lim Zhi Guan with the email of
black_star_avalon_85@hotmail.com
from Bedok ITE.
He deserves to be known to everyone because he found my friend's MP3! Don't worry, I'll let everyone know you found my MP3 and agreed to return it to me( only and only after you charged me an exorbitant rate to get it back). Pricey.
Note :
1. I lost the MP3 once, then Jy found it under the sofa and at that very sofa, I said "okay I better keep it in my bag." Then I put it in my bag at the very same sofa(where it was lost), then I transferred my bag to the counter.
2. Went with Spidey to some Korean shop to get goodies to sell, I didn't take anything with me, nor did I take my bag.
3. Came back a long time later and went to my bag to buy LJS, so I was standing by my bag by the drink machine and checked my bag and found out the MP3 was missing.
4. Obviously the first place I would search is at the counter/drink machine.
So why am I not the first to find the MP3 there when I even searched behind the stack of drink cans and bottles?
And through the two hours of searching, someone in ITE tshirt asked me if I was finding anything, then when I nodded replied happy finding(or something very similar).
5. How come he doesn't give it to the counter straightaway since he found it just cms away from there?
6. How come he waits a few days before leaving his "finders keepers" note and his email?
7. Lic replied my sms at 3:47pm.
"He came by just now but he never bring e mp3. he selling. he wants 250dollars. etc etc"
8. He deposits a $10 instead of his card.
9. By 4.42pm he's shouting in the shop about an MP3 for sale so lic bought it. And now two people are asking her to sell it to them for a higher price.
10. By 4.42pm I am more than a hundred bucks poorer, because I owe lic the money now. -.-
11. But also by 4.42pm the MP3 is finally in safe hands.
To my dear angel friend, next time, when you see God, please remember to tell him about your magnaimous act. I don't wish to see you getting a slap or a punch. I just wish you feel bad for the rest of your life, or afterlife ; if you don't already feel bad enough.
Okay I'm done ranting... Guys.. -.-
-nIx- @ [[4:54 PM]]
What the fish? ):
Guys are horrible tssk tssk.
-nIx- @ [[4:11 PM]]
I guess I made the wrong choice then.
Oh well. People make mistakes and learn from them right?I guess even though the problem's still there, at least trying to ignore it makes life feel a tad better. Except sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.
Runaway dreams. They're the cutest. I had plentiful of them. The last time I dreamt about it was successfully boarding a plane with that other person. And we lead a really low profile life. Got caught only when we stupidly went to the ATM to draw money, then the people traced our location and found our whereabouts.
This one is stupider and sort of a mission failed. First I helped this person escape then we ran out to the road and hid under a bus which started moving really slowly, then it turned right, then there was a red light which took a long time to turn green. And there were polices with guns chasing us. I wonder why they didn't shoot the tyres. Then we arrived at Bishan bus interchange and the other friend decided to draw money, then I reminded that person about how I got caught last time and that they were close behind. Then we ran through J8 to the back of the MRT (and it goes on because I forgot this part) and we somehow ended up with deciding to take a rest and eat prata. So we went up the wrong stairs where there were about 5people in home clothes, then we went down and walked towards the correct direction and I realised they were following us, so I turned to ask the people, "Who are you?" Then they replied something not answering my question. So I went, "Aiyah okay la I know who you guys are. Etc,etc.(and something about giving up.)" Then I think I walked to that friend and said loudly we change location to ATM first, then whispered we are going to start running. Cuz I knew they weren't allowed to catch us till they can confirm we verify ourselves. Then we started running (And then I don't know what happened) but I gave up/got caught?
Bahahahaha. So much for weird dreams but this is one of the few I personally
I have no school today! Hurrah. But I need to get about studying. Booo.
-nIx- @ [[1:55 PM]]
August 14, 2006
`todayisgreenday.
No, this time apologies are not enough. (: Ain't gonna be accepted. Besides, I just hate hearing sorries ; the kind people say when they didn't really do something wrong. I don't know why they say it either. So I'll just spare myself from sorries and not hear anymore in the future.
Today I was just copying blindly, the teacher was going way too fast for me to absorb. And I was in sleepy mode the whole class especially the first half. How do I keep awake? ):
Lic gave me lotsa stitch stuff and a gloomy bear chain. Plus deer rice or something. THANKYOU!
Plus val treated me to aloe vera drink and accompanying me to my MRT!
<3 you guys. (:
Marina Bay-ed home.
Ps. That Bob working for Maple has really really nice handwriting. OMGS.
My favourite.
I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to
Believe me
But I
Won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now
Believe me
):
-nIx- @ [[11:47 PM]]
`todayisgreenday.
No, this time apologies are not enough. (: Ain't gonna be accepted. Besides, I just hate hearing sorries ; the kind people say when they didn't really do something wrong. I don't know why they say it either. So I'll just spare myself from sorries and not hear anymore in the future.
Today I was just copying blindly, the teacher was going way too fast for me to absorb. And I was in sleepy mode the whole class especially the first half. How do I keep awake? ):
Lic gave me lotsa stitch stuff and a gloomy bear chain. Plus deer rice or something. THANKYOU!
Plus val treated me to aloe vera drink and accompanying me to my MRT!
<3 you guys. (:
Marina Bay-ed home.
Ps. That Bob working for Maple has really really nice handwriting. OMGS.
My favourite.
I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to
Believe me
But I
Won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now
Believe me
):
-nIx- @ [[11:47 PM]]
I have nobody to go crazy with anymore.
If given the chance again, I'd definately choose going crazy in public and having strangers staring at me for all I care than this.
Sigh.
I miss my sister ; I miss you.
-nIx- @ [[12:06 PM]]
Pretty shitty.
And so is everything else. I don't remember what I dreamt of, which is pretty good news.
Got woken up at 9+am by fumigation, followed by someone on the piano. Those junk playing dragging your hands from one end to another. Yes, noisy.
Now I'm hungry.
-nIx- @ [[11:15 AM]]
So damn you I don't need another one to bring me down. One is enough. Two can kill. So what if I'm an idiot or am stupid. That makes you not much different calling people names like this either. I don't need friends like you. And I wouldn't give a fucking damn. So what if my attitude sucks?
-nIx- @ [[1:14 AM]]
August 13, 2006
Being stuck in the premises of a building for a whole day is really boring, expecially if it's in a shop. Okay, joking. Not thatttt boring but boring still.
I had a piece of wire stuck in my finger and a paper cut today. But no unreasonable customers!
Ate prata after work. I'm going to grow fat soon. ):
Ate Mee Siam and about 3hours later felt really hungry, so we went to buy snacks and buns and fries! Then after work we had prata. Non-stop eating. Boo.
Tomorrow I shall eat healthy food, though outside food is most probably crap.
-nIx- @ [[10:42 PM]]
Being stuck in the premises of a building for a whole day is really boring, expecially if it's in a shop. Okay, joking. Not thatttt boring but boring still.
I had a piece of wire stuck in my finger and a paper cut today. But no unreasonable customers!
Ate prata after work. I'm going to grow fat soon. ):
Ate Mee Siam and about 3hours later felt really hungry, so we went to buy snacks and buns and fries! Then after work we had prata. Non-stop eating. Boo.
Tomorrow I shall eat healthy food, though outside food is most probably crap.
-nIx- @ [[10:42 PM]]
So what if I have a fucking attitude and whatnots. Who are you to judge me? Who are you to control me. Who are you to put words in my mouth? We're seperate entities and I don't owe you anything at all in the first place. So listen up, I don't care. Whatever.
Friend indeed.
Weird dream again. Shit?
Come to think of it, the random events - Three uncles stuck in a toilet. Then I tried to open the door. 9am. Couldn't. Then I did my own stuff. And when they were playing the National Anthem I tried again because I hated the song. That was like a few hours later. And I opened it. Hurrah. But what were three guys doing in 1 toilet? -.- And they didn't call for help or anything. They just sms-ed everyone : "Training is delayed till later."
Another random in the dream is me renting a hotel room near a pool so I didn't have to go home. $69.50 a night. What again?
I thought if I went to work all these shit distractions would go away, but I'm just proven wrong time and again. Slept way after 2am and woke up at 8.30am. I'm super tired but I just don't dare to go back to sleep again. Sigh.
Okay. 9.03am. I'm done ranting. I feel so much better now, though still like shit. Time to prepare for work.
So please don't bring me down.
-nIx- @ [[8:44 AM]]
I hope the weird dreams stop. Hur. By next week I'll be able to earn back whatever amount needed for that lost MP3. Bah.
Goodnight.
-nIx- @ [[12:13 AM]]
August 12, 2006
Home alone again. So tel me what's the use of busying myself and still be upset when I come home to an empty house.
I will grow fat if I continue at HF. Snacks and snacks and nonstop eating. Yes, nonstop. But not bad, I get to learn Cantonese there. Hur. And yo li sa shi gor lat chit buay gao chup. I don't know what dialect.
Today some customer commented : "Good that you check the signature." Heh. Finally someone recognises the effort almost every other cashier doesn't really bother about.
Val went to visit me for lunch! Burger King. Then we went to NTUC to buy snacks. Now I know why I spend $20 every 2 days at work.
Speaking of which, I left my water bottle there. =(
Do you know...?
-nIx- @ [[10:43 PM]]
Home alone again. So tel me what's the use of busying myself and still be upset when I come home to an empty house.
I will grow fat if I continue at HF. Snacks and snacks and nonstop eating. Yes, nonstop. But not bad, I get to learn Cantonese there. Hur. And yo li sa shi gor lat chit buay gao chup. I don't know what dialect.
Today some customer commented : "Good that you check the signature." Heh. Finally someone recognises the effort almost every other cashier doesn't really bother about.
Val went to visit me for lunch! Burger King. Then we went to NTUC to buy snacks. Now I know why I spend $20 every 2 days at work.
Speaking of which, I left my water bottle there. =(
Do you know...?
-nIx- @ [[10:43 PM]]
It's seriously the first time in ages I fell asleep the minute I hit the pillow. And maybe also the longest time I slept. Hurray. But bad dream... =/
With a mastermind I know holding a gun and threatening all my friends and me too but I wasn't scared. In fact, I did want to help the person too. Rarh.
I wonder how I survived so many days at work last time and how come I was never that tired. -.-
No more going to the ATM for the next 1 week. (After my last bank transfer.) Hur. I bought star earrings online. Irresistible. Bummer.
Now time to bath.
-nIx- @ [[10:59 AM]]
Listened to this song playing while in the toilet.
And I'm thinking. What's done is done. So how do you reverse some things?
Of course along the way there'd be regret, tearful days and flashbacks ; but it's just life, the cruel half.
This is nice too.
Ah damn. All this shit just make me emo. Tired all of a sudden. I hope I'd be able to sleep till it's time to leave for work..
Home aloneeeeeeee. And it's 12.38am now. =(
-nIx- @ [[12:29 AM]]
August 11, 2006
1st day of work. I'm wearing a trainee badge! Was fun.
At least there's something to do(finally) and my favourite songs to listen to, although it kept repeating and repeating the whole day.
Edwin treated me to a drink and food. Yum.
Kathy bought the nicest tasting snacks every. Pity I didn't know such things existed before. I'm so gonna buy them to bring to class and share with everyone. But I got a headache after eating all those junk. But still, yum..
I WANT A BABY BROTHER!
It's like the cutest dream ever. The little bugger sleeps before I do and wakes up after I do. In the dream I woke him up to play but he was too cranky then I put him back to sleep again. Rarhhhh.
If I really have one I'd be stuck at home except to go to school. Then I'll shower him with lots and lots and lots of cutesy stuff.
Sweet. Too bad I don't have one. *Cries* Was pretty upset that my alarm woke me up.
Wish you were here..
-nIx- @ [[10:26 PM]]
1st day of work. I'm wearing a trainee badge! Was fun.
At least there's something to do(finally) and my favourite songs to listen to, although it kept repeating and repeating the whole day.
Edwin treated me to a drink and food. Yum.
Kathy bought the nicest tasting snacks every. Pity I didn't know such things existed before. I'm so gonna buy them to bring to class and share with everyone. But I got a headache after eating all those junk. But still, yum..
I WANT A BABY BROTHER!
It's like the cutest dream ever. The little bugger sleeps before I do and wakes up after I do. In the dream I woke him up to play but he was too cranky then I put him back to sleep again. Rarhhhh.
If I really have one I'd be stuck at home except to go to school. Then I'll shower him with lots and lots and lots of cutesy stuff.
Sweet. Too bad I don't have one. *Cries* Was pretty upset that my alarm woke me up.
Wish you were here..
-nIx- @ [[10:26 PM]]
August 10, 2006
In about two weeks :
Nacho Libre, Lady in the Water, Tokyo Drift, Click, Recycle, Superman Returns, Annapolis, Just My Luck, Halfway through for Pirates and other unknown titles. Crazy but I want more.
Lake House anyone?
-nIx- @ [[11:30 PM]]
In about two weeks :
Nacho Libre, Lady in the Water, Tokyo Drift, Click, Recycle, Superman Returns, Annapolis, Just My Luck, Halfway through for Pirates and other unknown titles. Crazy but I want more.
Lake House anyone?
-nIx- @ [[11:30 PM]]
It'd be really scary, to see someone you love go away, somewhere far.
That's just what happened in my dream. And in it I bottled it all up, then I suddenly cried in front of my friends and they have no idea why.
I really really wish it'd never happen. I hope I'll die before everyone else does.
Dreams like this makes me wake up tired or want to continue sleeping forever because I never wanna wake up to face reality. Or should I say those are definately nightmares?
How come there isn't any choose Option A or Option B in our dreams? How come they just keep running. How come we can't select the starting, or the plot, or the ending? How come sometimes it's scary and we can't wake up till something like an alarm does? How come they seem so real? How come I only seem to have sadistic and unhappy dreams? How come the supposedly happy ones make me feel extremely sad when I wake up? How come the sad ones don't do the opposite when I wake up? How come they seem not much different from reality?
How come, how come?
Red to black.
At least tomorrow I get to communicate with humans.
-nIx- @ [[10:29 PM]]
August 09, 2006
Gone are the carefree days.
Gone are the innocent days.
Gone are the happy days.
Gone are the lovely days.
Gone are the simple days.
Gone, gone, gone. ):
-nIx- @ [[8:44 PM]]
Gone are the carefree days.
Gone are the innocent days.
Gone are the happy days.
Gone are the lovely days.
Gone are the simple days.
Gone, gone, gone. ):
-nIx- @ [[8:44 PM]]
How my dad celebrated his birthday.
Out in the morning with mum for the longest time ever, leaving me home alone again. :( Followed by lunch at Fishermans' Wharf, then home. Wash car. Dinner at AMK, home.
I can't wait to start work, then I can kill time. Time to go finish reading the borrowed notes, I need to bring them all tomorrow.
-nIx- @ [[8:30 PM]]
You know me, I used to get caught up in everyday life
Tried to make it through my day so I could sleep at night
Tried to figure out my way through the maze
Of rights and wrongs, but like you used to say
Nothing feels like it's really worth it
Forget perfect, i'm trying not to be worthless
Since I last saw you I been lookin for a purpose
Well I met this kid who thought like I did
He had a weird way of lookin at it
This is what he said
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
I dont remember where I met him or remember his name
But he walked funny like he was too big for his frame
Just over five foot but he weighed a buck fifty
And what he said just seemed so right it stuck with me
Listen its like poker you can play your best
But you got to know when to fold your cards and take a rest
And know when to hold your cards and hold your breath
And hope that nobody else is stacking the deck because
I dont need to tell you that life isnt fair, it doesnt care
It arbitrarily cuts off your air, and like you I want someone to say its okay
But in the truest parts of our hearts everybody's afraid
But just underappreciated and overwhelmed
Fighting so hard to hide our fear that were scaring ourselves
You understand when im saying that you always did
But its different in the words of a cowardly kid
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you dont wana be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Im no hero, you remember how I was, you know
All I ever did was worry, feeling out of control
To the point where everything was going end over end
Im spinning around in circles again
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how I hoped it would be
But I had to protect you from me
Thats why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time I was around I just bring you down
And I could tell that it was time to be scared
Thats why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
And I know the way I left wasnt fair
I didnt want to be around just to bring you down
Im not a hero but dont think I didnt care
You see ; heros always die young.
I cleared and cleaned my computer table. Finally? Too much doodling on the table, some can't even come out. But whatever. I wonder how long before I start doodling again. Time to keep permanent markers out of reach. Or maybe I should just write important phone numbers so I stop doodling on the table.
Now that I have a table(a proper one), time to transfer notes.
-nIx- @ [[11:35 AM]]
I try to pretend ; to ease the pain. But sometimes the truth is inevitable, sometimes I can't just keep running away.
Hrmms. Sigh sigh.
The first few pages of my textbook looks like a duplicate from the other. Copied till about 2.30am and then felt quite irritated because I kept having to receive smses nonstop. Moreover, had to sit on the floor while copying on the bed. I need to clear my table and bring a chair over.
Was still up at 3am. Couldn't get to sleep. Just kept staring at the wall. Dad came in at 7am+ because he wanted everyone to go for a walk. But the only thing I remember doing is shaking my head and going back to sleep.
I just dreamt of one of the nicest room layout I wish my room would really look like that ; at least it was my room in my dream. And I dreamt my whole family was staying at Aus. Bah.
-nIx- @ [[9:28 AM]]
Guess what day is it today?
I don't have school!
And it's the first time in years my dad managed to get leave on this day.
HAPPY..... BIRTHDAY DADDY!
None for the small little dot on the map here. Shoo. Go find your patriotic citizens.
Remind me not to wear red today. Because I wore red to school yesterday, unintentionally. Sucks ah. It's one year ago I learnt the word patriotic. While going star gazing with my sister at the poly. Then some guy said I was very patriotic because I was wearing a red shirt. I guess 8/8/06 is my red shirt day. -.-
Oh, my dad doesn't like my shirts I picked. Because the nice ones are long sleeved and the nicest one is BIG. So much for the M size is always the same everywhere theory. Next time I must try them first then get one size bigger.
Time to copy textbook notes.
-nIx- @ [[12:32 AM]]
August 08, 2006
Firstly.
FUCK ALL MALES WHO THINK ALL FEMALES AT GEYLANG ARE CHEAP.
You fucker. I was like shouting "YAY! GET HIT BY CAR!" when the guy was crossing, but I doubt that guy heard anything and he was together with a China lady still want to harrass other people? So fucked up. Why can't they think with their upper head? Or maybe it doesn't make a difference anyway. Cuz I think people like them will be just as dumb.
I swear if I knew earlier and he was within hearing distance I would have slapped him up down left right(with words) in front of that whole coffeeshop. Because I wasn't in the best mood since morning.
Had to wake up at 7.15am and reach school at 8+. And little chats in class and the "why you keeping this in your pencilbox?" question made me so emo. I almost cried but with that teacher around who dares to do anything I didn't. Because I was sitting right in front of that Overhead projector thingy. Who knows what the crap he's up to everytime. I should start reading his notes before class because he's always writing stuff and letting us copy, only to tell us that it's already in the notes. Or asking us to do questions only to do this.1+1=2UTTER RUBBISH!. Because whatever we do is totally wrong. "You guys are horrible, never read the notes." And whenever he says "you guys want to watch first?", never copy.
Tomorrow I'm gonna burst my budget. :( Then I shall live on bread andbutter jam. Because I hate butter.
Today I learnt a new equation.
DO NOT LEARN (^ = to the power of)
1^0 = 1
2^0 = 1
So 1 = 2!
I'd like to study humans. How come the more you say do not this or that, the more they want to do so?
-nIx- @ [[9:49 PM]]
Firstly.
FUCK ALL MALES WHO THINK ALL FEMALES AT GEYLANG ARE CHEAP.
You fucker. I was like shouting "YAY! GET HIT BY CAR!" when the guy was crossing, but I doubt that guy heard anything and he was together with a China lady still want to harrass other people? So fucked up. Why can't they think with their upper head? Or maybe it doesn't make a difference anyway. Cuz I think people like them will be just as dumb.
I swear if I knew earlier and he was within hearing distance I would have slapped him up down left right(with words) in front of that whole coffeeshop. Because I wasn't in the best mood since morning.
Had to wake up at 7.15am and reach school at 8+. And little chats in class and the "why you keeping this in your pencilbox?" question made me so emo. I almost cried but with that teacher around who dares to do anything I didn't. Because I was sitting right in front of that Overhead projector thingy. Who knows what the crap he's up to everytime. I should start reading his notes before class because he's always writing stuff and letting us copy, only to tell us that it's already in the notes. Or asking us to do questions only to do this.
Tomorrow I'm gonna burst my budget. :( Then I shall live on bread and
Today I learnt a new equation.
DO NOT LEARN (^ = to the power of)
1^0 = 1
2^0 = 1
So 1 = 2!
I'd like to study humans. How come the more you say do not this or that, the more they want to do so?
-nIx- @ [[9:49 PM]]
August 07, 2006
School almost the whole of tomorrow. I should be sleeping but I forgot I have homework. So I'm going to do it later in my room. I hope I wake up in time.
Long talk with my sis, more of birthday discussions and exchanging of emoticons and her asking me if I want a locket. It's rather pretty ; expensive though.
Here it is.
If she buys and sends me one I'd pick a nice neoprint of us and put it in.
I tried to go on like I never knew you. I'm awake but my world is half asleep.
-nIx- @ [[11:54 PM]]
School almost the whole of tomorrow. I should be sleeping but I forgot I have homework. So I'm going to do it later in my room. I hope I wake up in time.
Long talk with my sis, more of birthday discussions and exchanging of emoticons and her asking me if I want a locket. It's rather pretty ; expensive though.
Here it is.
If she buys and sends me one I'd pick a nice neoprint of us and put it in.
I tried to go on like I never knew you. I'm awake but my world is half asleep.
-nIx- @ [[11:54 PM]]
`themissingjigsawpiece.
Swears. I couldn't concentrate in class at all. It feels like being semi-concious and upset at the same time. Whatever I copied down I don't remember now, it all seems like me doodling away. And I always seem to go out when there's always something new or important to learn. Twice today. And I didn't really care. Although I did spend time with Jy during break and for a short while after school, I sat through class alone. So many thoughts running through my mind. Weird feeling. And at that moment all I wanted to do was just to hug my sunshines. It's that dissapointing feeling much worse than coming home expecting to see my tortise there but it isn't there anymore. I'd like to have it back but nobody in this family seems to welcome the idea anymore. That's just a piece of the missing jigsaw of my life. Another half of it is still missing. Someone must have stolen them away. I wonder when will they reappear.
Incomplete ;
I can't explain.
I can't explain.
-nIx- @ [[7:19 PM]]
Soon I'll be on 5, then 6, then 7.
`becausenothinglastsforever
I hate sleeping. I really do. I wake up feeling more tired. I try to sleep earlier but 45minutes later I'm still wide awake studying notes as a last resort to sleep.
Nevermind that, I hate life. Why make mine more miserable?
Sometimes I wish I need not grow up and handle so many shit.
Been awake on bed ever since my dad barged in my room to showed me an sms and ask what does :D mean. Maybe it was in my dream. Maybe it was both. I don't know. I can't tell the difference anymore.
I keep having dreams of me gorging down food. Must have been another screwed up dream.
Now I can kill myself with fumigation. They're supposed to do it on Tuesdays.
I wish I could quit.
you.
you.
-nIx- @ [[10:04 AM]]
So who the heck cares about everythig? You upset me that's all that matters.
So what about my studies? So what about results? So what if they're fab? So what?
Don't even know if I will work as one. Whatever. Nobody seems to be supporting me.
I really don't seem to care much about life, take my dressing for example. I just wore a tee and shorts out today. Do I care? No. I feel better that way, unnoticed. Because I look like I just walked out of the house everywhere I went today.
I forgot to thank Lic for the earring and kachapons and sweets and Val for the dinner. Been drawing closer to them recently. I just think we click better. They make me happier, at least temporary happiness when I'm out with them is better than none. I hope I don't cry in front of them anymore. Besides, the others are busy ; but it's no offence.
So tired ; so, so very tired. I could just give up and runaway.
But I don't want to fall again.
I don't want anymore lies.
I don't want anymore empty promises.
I don't want to rely on anyone anymore.
I don't want to be indebted to anyone.
I don't want to live this nightmare anymore.
I don't want anymore empty promises.
I don't want to rely on anyone anymore.
I don't want to be indebted to anyone.
I don't want to live this nightmare anymore.
I want to wake up.
I want to face reality.
I want to believe again;
when the time's right.
I want to face reality.
I want to believe again;
when the time's right.
I always say the same old shit.
But when will what I say turn reality?
`Because I'm still
Try, trying, tried.
But when will what I say turn reality?
`Because I'm still
-nIx- @ [[12:29 AM]]
August 06, 2006
Had this nagging feeling asking me to come home early. And what do I get? From the moment I stepped in home my dad has been talking and talking and talking away.
There's this stranger who talked to me in the MRT, weird guy but we stroke up a conversation pretty well. Talking about my course because I was hilighting away the notes in the MRT. Then he opened his bag and showed me this paper in the file of him graduating from some Singapore Commercial School or something. "See I never bluff you." Eyes went down to the Graduated in 1975 part. Was taken aback. Then he said before you were born right? I think he was going for a job interview.
Urrrrrgh. Daddddddddddddy. I don't know what you want. Why don't you just tell me straight to the point.
I came home "earlier" than usual so I could continue studying so I can return my notes but here you are talking away.
I only know you want me to study the market of idiots. Eg those who pay hundreds for tattoos, thousands for that arowana. Whatever else.
What the hell. I just want to break down and cry. I really don't know what everyone wants from me. This that. When I do it my way, objections here and there ; EVERYWHERE.
One moment you're all there supporting me, say you want to help me solve my problems, or always be there for me and for that very moment, I fall for it ; deep. I believed every single word. Next you all disappear and leave me alone, then now when I think I want to do this and that you all come back with other alternatives. I'm so confused. I'm so tired. Of everything. Of life. Of living. Of crying. Of everything.
Gets so hard to breathe I wish I could just lay here and die.
Maybe it's just me.
Cuz they say, promises are meant to be broken.
Just let me be please. I'm already bogged down by enough problems.
BREAK DOWN.
-nIx- @ [[11:12 PM]]
Had this nagging feeling asking me to come home early. And what do I get? From the moment I stepped in home my dad has been talking and talking and talking away.
There's this stranger who talked to me in the MRT, weird guy but we stroke up a conversation pretty well. Talking about my course because I was hilighting away the notes in the MRT. Then he opened his bag and showed me this paper in the file of him graduating from some Singapore Commercial School or something. "See I never bluff you." Eyes went down to the Graduated in 1975 part. Was taken aback. Then he said before you were born right? I think he was going for a job interview.
Urrrrrgh. Daddddddddddddy. I don't know what you want. Why don't you just tell me straight to the point.
I came home "earlier" than usual so I could continue studying so I can return my notes but here you are talking away.
I only know you want me to study the market of idiots. Eg those who pay hundreds for tattoos, thousands for that arowana. Whatever else.
What the hell. I just want to break down and cry. I really don't know what everyone wants from me. This that. When I do it my way, objections here and there ; EVERYWHERE.
One moment you're all there supporting me, say you want to help me solve my problems, or always be there for me and for that very moment, I fall for it ; deep. I believed every single word. Next you all disappear and leave me alone, then now when I think I want to do this and that you all come back with other alternatives. I'm so confused. I'm so tired. Of everything. Of life. Of living. Of crying. Of everything.
Gets so hard to breathe I wish I could just lay here and die.
Maybe it's just me.
Cuz they say, promises are meant to be broken.
Just let me be please. I'm already bogged down by enough problems.
BREAK DOWN.
-nIx- @ [[11:12 PM]]
`escapism.
Don't know why, don't want to know either.
I just hope I'll wake up soon.
I need to concentrate on my studiesssssssss. I shouldn't be going out but I am.
Bah.
So when will all this stop?
-nIx- @ [[1:29 PM]]
Updates since last post, I hope I don't repeat.
It's 3am now.
I've uploaded more songs and pictures to my phone.
Intending to work at my old workplace, if not, find somewhere. Just to occupy my time a little and to not stay at home and to.... stupid mp3 incident.
I'm still not tired but I will go off soon, then read notes if needed.
Revised a few pages of the other notes.
Going out tomorrow if I manage to study to my satisfaction tomorrow. What a small island. There's almost nowhere to go anymore. Towning every single day for the past 4-5days. Boring shit yea. And there's this huge place in which I'm curious about it's updates but yet trying to avoid. Think I won't be going there anywhere close to a year's time. Pity. What a nice place I once loved going.
3.20am. Happy new year.
You're missed.
Now I wonder ; was it something I said?
-nIx- @ [[2:59 AM]]
Absurd. I actually went back to my room. Then I figured I couldn't possibly sleep it away, so I started studying. Then I felt better. Then I came online.
I like Spice Girls. It's the first group whose songs I all know. Because my sister loved them so I loved them. Copycat. But what can you expect when I was in Primary School.
Songs nowadays are rather like crap though I can relate to them but they're crap. But Fort Minor is still nice. I prefer songs like those I listened to in 2004 while being stuck in the Art room. Maybe I wouldn't have appreciated them if I'm like this then.
I don't know, I don't know. I don't wanna know. I wanna know. I don't know. Whatever.
Goodbye my friend
I know you're going searching although I can still feel ya here
Its not the end
Gotta keep it strong before the pain turns into fears
-nIx- @ [[1:29 AM]]
August 05, 2006
You never seem to listen anymore so why should I listen to you? Why should I talk to someone who treats my words as junk. It just goes in one ear and out the other. I don't know you anymore.
How am I to study if there's always something spoiling my mood.
I hate weekends. I should stop going out. But I just can't. I hate staying at home. I hate everything, almost everything.
It's just too late ; everything.
And I just wonder,
why am I alive?
why am I here?
why am I regretting?
why my life's a joke?
why some people don't get chances in life?
why is the world unfair?
why am I trying to run away?
why is everything revolving, much faster than I can swallow?
Everything's gone, just gone. Gone, gone, gone.
I try to pretend, that everything's alright. Just makes me so tired, to try or not to try. But everything's not alright.
No I'm not okay.
-nIx- @ [[10:07 PM]]
You never seem to listen anymore so why should I listen to you? Why should I talk to someone who treats my words as junk. It just goes in one ear and out the other. I don't know you anymore.
How am I to study if there's always something spoiling my mood.
I hate weekends. I should stop going out. But I just can't. I hate staying at home. I hate everything, almost everything.
It's just too late ; everything.
And I just wonder,
why am I alive?
why am I here?
why am I regretting?
why my life's a joke?
why some people don't get chances in life?
why is the world unfair?
why am I trying to run away?
why is everything revolving, much faster than I can swallow?
Everything's gone, just gone. Gone, gone, gone.
I try to pretend, that everything's alright. Just makes me so tired, to try or not to try. But everything's not alright.
No I'm not okay.
-nIx- @ [[10:07 PM]]
Before I begin anything thanks lic for Squirt.
Now I start to rant. I don't know what's wrong with everything.
This is my normal conversation with my cousins and family.
"Where is your sis?"
"Studying overseas."
"Oh where?"
"Melbourne"
"What school?"
"I think Uni of Melbourne"
"Ohhhhhhhh. Okay."
Really ; there's nothing too much to talk about anymore.
Oh and there's
"Wah you become skinnier."
So what do you want me to reply?
"Oh yea I sure did. I know the effective way to lose weight. Guaranteed with chop. You want to know how? Then don't eat for 3days regularly. Only thing is, if you start eating alot you'd gain it back in 2days."
But I don't care. I just finished the packet of chips today for lunch. I don't care. Not anymore ; or maybe just not that much as before.
So you tell me to face reality or maybe I'm not ready.
But I'm not giving up that easily. If you don't have the money then I'll start saving and find a job and then I'll runaway. If you don't want to come along it's fine.
So damn you. Stop thinking I don't have what it takes or I'm not serious. I wanna go and I'm going. I've had enough shit here. I want to runaway.
I'm doing perfectly well here, not.
I just want to run somewhere far where nobody knows me ; where I can start life again. Where people recognise me for my efforts. Where I stand out.
Am I asking for too much?
-nIx- @ [[9:24 PM]]
2dreams. I wish I'd never wake up.
I only remember more of the 2nd one. Now I suddenly rememeber I have to go out later. I'm so tired from the first dream so I fell back to sleep and there comes the 2nd. I remember stuffing myself with food. Must have been after effects from my first dream.
Bah you. Bah you. Bah you. *Cries*
-nIx- @ [[11:45 AM]]
Mum : "How come you're coming back so late nowadays?"
And she's surprised I watched a movie and came home "early".
This is the story of a girl,
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world!
And while she looked so sad in photographs,
I absolutely love her,
When she smiles.
How many days in a year?
She woke up with hope but she only found tears.
And I can be so insincere,
Making her promises never for real!
As long as she stands there waiting,
Wearing the holes in the soles of her shoes!
How many days disappear?
When you look in the mirror so how do you choose?
Your clothes never wear as well the next day,
And your hair never falls in quite the same way-
But you never seem to run out of things to say.
How many lovers would stay?
Just to put of with this shit day after day!
How did we wind up this way?
Watching our mouths for the words that we say.
As long as we stand here waiting,
Wearing the clothes of the souls that we choose!
How do we get there today?
When we're walking to far for the price of our shoes!
Your clothes never wear as well the next day,
And your hair never falls in quite the same way-
But you never seem to run out of things to say.
-nIx- @ [[12:30 AM]]
August 04, 2006
Tomorrow, if possible.
Swim. Study x100000. Grandma's birthday. I hope I don't deviate from my "plans".
ragdoll princess.
The princess she once used to be. Now all that she is, is just a broken rag doll ; in her own world.
-nIx- @ [[11:39 PM]]
Tomorrow, if possible.
Swim. Study x100000. Grandma's birthday. I hope I don't deviate from my "plans".
ragdoll princess.
The princess she once used to be. Now all that she is, is just a broken rag doll ; in her own world.
-nIx- @ [[11:39 PM]]
So I slept at 4 and woke up at 12 after plenty of stupid incidents from a nightmare/many nightmares. Which I apparently forgotten but it came back when I was in the car. Stupid nightmare.
I should stop going out because I spent about $50 today. At least I finally got myself a white bag which looks pretty nice(and still no birthday present which was the main purpose of going out). Now I think I know why my dad wanted me to come home with him this afternoon. Causeway Point's huge with nothing to buy. Trained down to Orchard and walked and walked and walked(and shopped).
Now I just missed half an episode of Ghost Whisperer. =/
Anyway, watched Click just now. Not too bad though I think there should be an age entry for little kids. Thank you Sher for the treat!
So tell me what the hell am I doing?Cuz I'm never gonna stop wishing.
-nIx- @ [[10:27 PM]]
Instead of wasting my time here I could have read those notes to sleep. How smart am I to waste all these precious time?
-nIx- @ [[3:44 AM]]
Lighthouse Family - High
When you're close to tears remember
Someday it'll all be over
One day we're gonna get so high
Though it's darker than december
What's ahead is a different color
One day we're gonna get so high
And at the end of the day remember the days
When we were close to the end
And wonder how we made it through the night
At the end of the day we remember the way
We stayed so close to the end
We'll remember it was me and you
Cause we are gonna be forever you and me
You will always keep it flying high in the sky
Of love
Don't you think it's time you started
Doing what we always wanted
One day we're gonna get so high
Cause even the impossible
Is easy when we got each other
One day we're gonna get so high
-----
I can't get to sleep. =(
-nIx- @ [[3:23 AM]]
Memories consume
Like opening the wound
I'm picking me apart again
You all assume
I'm safe here in my room
Unless I try to start again
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright
So I'm
Breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
Clutching my cure
I tightly lock the door
I try to catch my breath again
I hurt much more
Than anytime before
I had no options left again
I don't want to be the one
The battles always choose
'cause inside I realize
That I'm the one confused
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
I'll paint it on the walls
'cause I'm the one at fault
I'll never fight again
And this is how it ends
I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
But now I have some clarity
To show you what I mean
I don't know how I got this way
I'll never be alright
So I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight
-----
Nice song? Noisy song? Rubbish song? ;
or crap nIx?
-nIx- @ [[3:04 AM]]
I guess I'm not really over that MP3 thingy. Curse the person who took it. I hope you get your retribution. Sighs.
I think I'm a goner. Whatever that's not in my favour is just happening. Whatever's most probably good for me I don't listen. Whatever I want to hear, I'm all ears. Like some stubborn kid who always want things to happen the way they want it. I should get rid of that thought. Halfway through, or so I think.
I hate going home because I want to avoid things that should have been long gone or mean nothing by now. Halleluyah.I just can't seem to no matter how hard I try ; but time will tell. I just don't know how long it'd take. Oh bother. I wish it didn't affect me that much.
Nevermind. I feel like a dumb idiot pathetic jinxed moron for losing that MP3 TWICE.
Anyway, pics with Pepz(exclude the first)!
My girlfriend.
My pet cat. (I think my hair looks damn fab here. But scaringly long. And the grass is super pokey don't try to do what I did. Oh look, Kargo and a hand too!)
My boyfriend and my cat.
Oh and obviously I looked forced. =/
What were you saying? ; keep shouting because I can't hear you. Or maybe you should just shake me up first. Stepped in the game way too early.
-nIx- @ [[1:28 AM]]
This solitarily is killing me.
-nIx- @ [[12:32 AM]]
August 03, 2006
No songs, no nothing, no life.
Damnit laaaaaaaaaaaa.
Oh yea, today I almost got hit by two vehicles. See the repetition?
One black car and one huge truck. I thought I could cross before the car but it was moving real fast and it apparently
didn't stop. So I had to stop just before it. The second time I watched out for the car turning in then I started to walk not realising that it's a two way road. Spidey kept calling for me to watch out then when I didn't really hear, had to pull me back.
I'm so sorry.
-nIx- @ [[11:20 PM]]
No songs, no nothing, no life.
Damnit laaaaaaaaaaaa.
Oh yea, today I almost got hit by two vehicles. See the repetition?
One black car and one huge truck. I thought I could cross before the car but it was moving real fast and it apparently
didn't stop. So I had to stop just before it. The second time I watched out for the car turning in then I started to walk not realising that it's a two way road. Spidey kept calling for me to watch out then when I didn't really hear, had to pull me back.
I'm so sorry.
-nIx- @ [[11:20 PM]]
Yes, I'm so bloody jinxed todayyyyyyyyy.
I LOST AN MP3. TWICE.
The first time I lost it and Jy found it under a chair after quite some time. The next time I swore I said I better keep it in my bag and I did, then placed it at the counter and halleluyah at the end of the day it's gone from my bag. STOLEN. And it's not my MP3.
I feel so damn bloody guilty I don't think I want to borrow anymore stuff. Why can't that bloody idiot take away my MP3 instead? Mine's like zero value.
Zzzzzzzzz. Packed my bag and extra clothes and everything needed to stay out but I decided to go home before I lose anymore stuff. I'd trade my life if I lose the bear. Then I can get buried with it.
I don't know what the hell is wrong with the repetitions. Tell me please.
Jinxed. Cut my hair trying to put every single trouble with it so it'd go away but no. I fail again.
I got robbeddddddddddd / whatever. I feel so damn pissed. Die you bugger!
Why is it always like this? We never treasure everything enough until when it's lost or gone, then we start to regret, to miss, to be so attached to that something, to have stronger feelings for everything we've lost and somehow we'd always wish it'd come back or that time will rewind so we could start all over again and prevent shit from happening.
-nIx- @ [[10:22 PM]]
August 02, 2006
`sotellmewhat'sthepointofitall?
I won't be able to know and I can't tell.
No life, no holiday, no nothing.
What the heck am I doing here still alive?
Screw it all, I don't even need to think of being the youngest to graduate because someone is already at Paper 3.something.
So what bloody goal am I left to work towards?
Enough of wishing things would turn out the way I want them to be.
Every single thing's just driving me insane.
And there's just such a thin line ;
from sane to insane.
I wish I can fall asleep and never wake up.
Can I runaway please?
Get out, move on, please.
Yes I'm disappointed/upset/sad. But it doesn't kill as much as before. Seeing is believing. Wake up wake up wake up. The world doesn't stop for you. But do remember your promise. You should forget it after then. You've got your chance and now it's gone, okay?
Urrghhhhh. I just wish I could smash my head into something now. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
Cuz sometimes it hurts really bad.
What can I say?
LIES.
But I'm not gonna hate you.
Another sleepless night. Morning class tomorrow. Happy New Year.
Argh.
-nIx- @ [[11:19 PM]]
`sotellmewhat'sthepointofitall?
I won't be able to know and I can't tell.
No life, no holiday, no nothing.
What the heck am I doing here still alive?
Screw it all, I don't even need to think of being the youngest to graduate because someone is already at Paper 3.something.
So what bloody goal am I left to work towards?
Enough of wishing things would turn out the way I want them to be.
Every single thing's just driving me insane.
And there's just such a thin line ;
from sane to insane.
I wish I can fall asleep and never wake up.
Can I runaway please?
Get out, move on, please.
Yes I'm disappointed/upset/sad. But it doesn't kill as much as before. Seeing is believing. Wake up wake up wake up. The world doesn't stop for you. But do remember your promise. You should forget it after then. You've got your chance and now it's gone, okay?
Urrghhhhh. I just wish I could smash my head into something now. FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
Cuz sometimes it hurts really bad.
What can I say?
LIES.
But I'm not gonna hate you.
Another sleepless night. Morning class tomorrow. Happy New Year.
Argh.
-nIx- @ [[11:19 PM]]
I hate waking up to an empty house with nobody to talk to. When thoughts just keep running and running.
There's so many places I want to go, so many questions I want answered, so many things I want to say.
Whatever happened to the freedom of speech and all that shit?
Today I hope I get some positive and encouraging response instead of some biased or negative answer from my teacher.
I wonder when they will take me and my words seriously instead of thinking my life was just an friggin joke.
But then again, maybe it's just me.
-nIx- @ [[12:35 PM]]
Tried sleeping at 1am. At 1.54am I'm still wide awake staring at the ceiling. Listened to another 613165165154songs before switching it off. So much for trying. So I supposed I slept at 2+?
So now I'm listening to crap songs. Crap crap crap. Yeah everything's just that way.
-nIx- @ [[10:35 AM]]
August 01, 2006
Came home to a blackout. What a nice welcome. I need to do my homework and return the notes asap. The bags today was really heavy but I couldn't find any backpack or something of that sort so I had to make do with my current bag. Bugis-ed and SLS-ed(we ate there and all the shops were closing by the time we were done so I'm going back some other day).
Today had horrible toast with cheese on top and yoghurt. Then went to school and it just goes on and on. Gachapon machines arrived at PCBunk. Hurrah. Lic gave me 3 of them. Stitch. <3
Bought ice cream and Ichigo Bliss for all(except Des who's sick). Yum.
I practically kope everything. Notes, mp3, whatever else?
Thank you list :
Lic - for gachapons and a round of RF.
Elie - for me stealing your milk tea!
Des - for tissue =p
and for everything else I forgot.
I need to go study and write some notes because I didn't bring some of them today. Then I must start on that stupid 4weeks of 2.4 and return them fast.
Kept sighing the whole day and I don't really like the feeling. So please stop bringing me down.
Shall post this now since there's something that keeps buzzing and maybe it's the cause of the blackout. Bye. =/
-nIx- @ [[11:58 PM]]
Came home to a blackout. What a nice welcome. I need to do my homework and return the notes asap. The bags today was really heavy but I couldn't find any backpack or something of that sort so I had to make do with my current bag. Bugis-ed and SLS-ed(we ate there and all the shops were closing by the time we were done so I'm going back some other day).
Today had horrible toast with cheese on top and yoghurt. Then went to school and it just goes on and on. Gachapon machines arrived at PCBunk. Hurrah. Lic gave me 3 of them. Stitch. <3
Bought ice cream and Ichigo Bliss for all(except Des who's sick). Yum.
I practically kope everything. Notes, mp3, whatever else?
Thank you list :
Lic - for gachapons and a round of RF.
Elie - for me stealing your milk tea!
Des - for tissue =p
and for everything else I forgot.
I need to go study and write some notes because I didn't bring some of them today. Then I must start on that stupid 4weeks of 2.4 and return them fast.
Kept sighing the whole day and I don't really like the feeling. So please stop bringing me down.
Shall post this now since there's something that keeps buzzing and maybe it's the cause of the blackout. Bye. =/
-nIx- @ [[11:58 PM]]
Cousin will be here for Christmas. =) Oh shit. I have exams then.
Slept somewhere after 3am. I can't remember when. But I was studying my tax notes. I need to go back to it later. I just need to start my study momentum.
I just love that Winnie the Pooh speakers. It's like a portable speaker. And if it ever drops it doesn't break or something. Not that I dropped it before.
Yea the transport can continue to raise it costs, go ahead. I'm as poor as hell. Gooooo raise some more. What happened to their service man? I've waited up to 10minutes for a train before. And they still deserve to raise their price? Crazy. So ridiculous.
I should start sleeping earlier. Everyone just keeps on smsing me and waking me form my sleep. Boo.
Have you ever felt like there's an awkward silence or you just don't click too well with whatever the other person's talking about yet you still think there's something in common, there's something about you being potential closest of friends ; just that that something hasn't revealed itself yet?
It's just weird.
Day 2's runnning out. ):
I'm so very afraid at what the future brings. Why won't it just leave me alone and catch up with the others?
-nIx- @ [[11:02 AM]]
Slept at 5.15am. Was about to sleep then there came the sudden heavy rain. Smart. Woke up around 11am then I went down to swim for about 45minutes. Went up and dad was just complaining about me leaving the computer on while I'm out. Then we went to AMK to eat lunch. Fish and Chips and Pumpkin something soup. Yum.
Went to class. Ordered 2cups of soyamilk each. Tried the egg tart, not bad.
Today in class my teacher asked me why I wore slippers to class. My reason was because it was the only one that could match ; blue skirt, blue slippers. Is it that inappropriate? I think I shouldn't wear it to that class anymore. Maybe they were noisy.
Crashed PCBunk! Brought home lotsa soft toys. Thanks Lic~ They're irresistibly cute. She gave me some chocolate her customers bought for her too. It's yummy.
Val treated me to Mos because she owed me one on Friday. ^^ The fish burger is like cold as room temperature or colder. Yucks. In return I bought her a water bottle. The one at Guardian. One for myself too. Bought Ichigo Bliss and Val didn't want it so I gave 2 to lic. Yum.
Lic gave me free time on the comp(and I helped her clear the area after it closed okay) so I tried Audition and Pangya. Pangya is so cute. I love the Paperbag Cat. I don't know the name.
I love my MP3 still, it's the best. Tomorrow I shall find a big bag and dress like a school kiddo. Because I have a lot of crap to carry and notes to exchange. Later I need to go update the half of the notes I didn't bring to as far as I can remember. I take pride in my work.
Sls tomorrow, and if the keyboard is a real bargain I shall buy it. Dee dum~
I need to sleep early. Even my mum is complaining.
I'll enjoy it while it lasts.Short-lived happiness.
-nIx- @ [[12:17 AM]]
